Long stretches without writing = Riley is doing well and we are trying to live in the moment. Most the time anyway, and it applies to now at least. Writing is an outlet for me though, and I really wish I just had more time to be able to do so. So many “new year’s resolutions”, and I’d like that to be one of them. Although holding hope to making, & let alone one happening, isn’t always likely. For instance, I have many more resolutions I’d love to uphold and make happen. One of them is to become healthier, in general, not only for myself, my family, but Riley in particular. This kid just keeps growing and growing, 42” last I measured! And sure, I’m strong from being able to carry him, but parts of me are also starting to hurt because of it. And yeah, some day that’s just going to keep happening, until I can no longer carry him…but today is not that day, nor is any day soon. So now I have to figure out how to shift my focus from my typical gym-rat routines, into making certain parts of my body stronger to compensate for specific things I’m doing and specific ways I should move. And eating better, taking care of myself, etc. all falls into that category of becoming healthier, mainly for Riley, so I can give him the very best that I can, in every way. And with him in mind, that one will happen. It gets top priority over any other more meaningless resolution.
BTW, how is it freaking 2017?!? How am I going to be 31 this year?! How is my child going to be 4?! Where has the last ten years gone? Chris and I will have been together (dating) 10 years as of May, this year, and married 6 of those years in July. Holy cow.
It’s hard to wrap my mind around how this year is going to play out, thinking back over last year. We had some of our biggest highs and biggest lows, EVER. It feels like every decision we are going to make, at least for the next few months, could impact Riley and his overall wellbeing. For instance, like taking a walk into town last Friday night to grab dinner at the brewery. It was so cold, and of course the wind decided to kick up as we left the house, Riley looked like the little brother from ‘A Christmas Story’. “I can’t put my arms down!!”, is all I could think once we finished getting ready to go. And thankfully, for many reasons, the brewery was fairly empty when we got there, so not only made it super easy to get a table that works well for us and Riley’s chair, it’s less possible sick strangers. That kind of thing, on top of the freezing cold getting to and from, is always going to be playing over and over in our head every time we bring Riley out of the house. But, we can’t, and won’t live in a bubble either. It’s making those decisions every day that is going to become more and more of part of our “norm”. And many parents go through this, but mostly, they don’t have the factor of life and death being a part of that decision.
For instance, this cold/flu season is already becoming “epically” bad. I feel like it started really early, is getting ramped up hardcore now, and will probably last until almost summer time, the way it did last year. So, we get what, like 4 months out of the year of freedom? Gross. Of course, we purposely planned and pushed for Riley’s Make-A-Wish trip to be scheduled before the real start of this season. This is because we have no idea how he will fare, and we didn’t want to plan a trip for the following year, with the possibility of him either no longer being here or him being too sick to be able to make it. So, success, we somehow managed to grab a cancellation spot at the Give the Kids the World Village for the week Chris already had planned vacation (Halloween week), got our non-stop Alaska flights to and from Orlando, and multiple day park tickets to every Disney park, Universal Studios and SeaWorld. Everything planned so quickly by such amazing people, and guess what. I somehow caught a cold, from god knows where, roughly 10 days before we were due to leave. And just like most of us would, I felt crappy, but was “perfectly fine” in a matter of days. I even took EVERY precaution I could think of to NOT give it to Riley…. but being his primary care taker…. those precautions still failed.
One week before our flight, he caught it and started getting extra junky. The biggest “blessings” from Riley’s many hospital trips, is the respiratory equipment we now have at home to be able to use daily, and use excessively when he gets sick, to try and help get him through. Between that, and now having access to our palliative care service, and we could call in a nurse, who got him an antibiotic prescribed from SCH pulmonary over the phone, allowed us to still be able to make our trip. Thankfully, this was a minor bug compared to what he can get, and have spiral out of control. We managed to get by for the first time in a long time at home. Every day that week, we were trying to get him better and better and debating if going on our trip was even going to happen, or was remotely safe for him. Last minute call, and any day sooner it may not have happened, but we made the call to go. It was a VERY rough flight for us getting there, due to probably many factors fighting against each other. It was super early, so he was tired and pissed because he was tired, which created more junk, on top of the junk he was getting over. Air pressure and his ears bugging him, made him more pissed, creating more junk, etc etc, SPIRAL. But that’s why we lug all that respiratory equipment with us, and look insane doing so, but it saved him and got him there OK, and once there…he bounced right back and took it all on with a smile! And some coughing, but less as the week went on.
We were so blessed with this trip and the memories we made. We relaxed and let Riley lay around and nap each morning before heading out and taking on a park, or two, for the rest of the day, with a long time of sitting up for him. Having Nana there was so much better than either of us could have imagined. We would have still done the trip even if she couldn’t have come, I just don’t think either of us would have been able to relax or enjoy it nearly as much. The extra hands, extra Riley help, extra comfort & roommate for Riley, and to have her make those memories with him and us, was a big part of what made it all so special. We managed to get Riley on a few rides, Aladdin’s flying Magic carpet, the Jungle Cruise & the Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, all at Magic Kingdom. He met many of his favorite buddies, but he definitely was unsure of them going from 6 inches to 6 feet tall! I think the way his brain works trying to figure out his surroundings, when we got to do 4 characters in one go, allowing him time to catch on, and ending with Donald, one of his favorites, worked out so well. He went from totally unsure with Daisy, to a huge grin plastered on his face the whole time with Donald. Made my heart melt to see pure happiness in him like that. I truly don’t think he has smiles and has joy like that other when he sees me, or Chris, or his grandparents or someone he really loves and recognizes.
We came out of this trip a little bit more relaxed in how we can handle his medical issues, and enjoyed not having it always be such a primary focus, beyond the day to day needs. Can’t get away from that. Plus, we got so much video, hundreds of great pictures, an amazing professional scrapbook, plus the two I made, and an extra duffle bag STUFFED full of (mostly) Riley acquired souvenirs! Such smart thinking Nana! Once home, it was kind of an immediate jump into planning and enjoying the holiday season. It was nice to be able to spend both Thanksgiving with both sides (minus Uncle Brad unfortunately), and having Christmas in Vancouver with everyone on both sides. I know Riley certainly enjoyed all the attention! And I must admit, it was nice for this mom to relax a bit and could walk away and let someone else watch and entertain the boy, or give him his feed, change him, etc.! I tried to not think about it the whole time for either holiday, but it definitely hit me on a few occasions that these times and memories, could be the last holiday season we have with Riley, and that he gets to enjoy. In no means do we EXPECT for him to not be able to celebrate them again at the end of this year with all of us, but we are practical in recognizing that there is a chance, and so we needed to make 2016 count. And I think we did as best we could, enjoyed the time, and gave him all the joy and cheer he deserves.
Ten days into (somehow) 2017 now. I think new year’s resolutions are good for many reasons. Yes, to make and enjoy your life better is definitely one of them. But this is also a gloomy and somewhat depressing time of year with all the hustle and bustle and fun times now settled, with no major event (unless you have some awesome vacation planned in the next few months, lucky ducks), until virtually Memorial Day, signaling the start of the summer season, with more things, in theory, to look forward to. I believe that’s where a new year’s resolution could come in play, to help pass the time and change things up. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who believes that. Yes, it gives you something to do, something to focus on and distract you from the rest of “normal life”. But I also believe it can provide hope. For instance, I want to become healthier for my child, to be able to focus on and move him easier. This in turn almost forces some hope upon me that he will be around for a while, for these changes I’m going to make to be worthwhile. And that’s something HUGE for me to focus on. I know what this season can and will bring, it’s a matter of how I need to figure out and learn to focus on what can be the positives out of it. And that is a new year’s resolution in and of itself.
